Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Backside of Monday

Sort of a catchy little title, isn't it?

The phrase, the backside of Monday, has been rattling around my head in competition with other thoughts for several days. I'd like to tell you it's an odd thing; but the fact is, it's how my brain works. It's often the result of something I've read in scripture, or something I believe the Lord is impressing. I can just as easily be random musings.

Sometimes I'm able to orchestrate the rattling sounds into something melodious. At other times no such orchestration is to be had, and I am left to wonder what they - the rattles - mean, or where they might lead. Typically I jot them down in my hand-written journal; then set about forgetting them, or waiting for clarity, or both.

So what do I make of this one, this enigmatic backside thing?

Until today I didn't have a clue. But now I've gotten ahead of myself, so let's back up some (which takes us to the backside).

In recent days someone shared with me something that occurred many years ago; something hurtful I knew absolutely nothing about, but should have. It hit my gut like a head-on collision with reality, and for hours - even days - I lived in a soup of guilt, unsure about what, if anything, to do with the information.

It was plainly clear to me that I had been remiss - even irresponsible - in how I'd dealt with (or, rather NOT dealt with) something back there. My equilibrium was now as rattled as the rattles.

Fretful ... Sad... Ashamed... Stymied... Sorry... On-and-on I swam, doing both breaststroke & backstroke in that soup of guilt.

Then it began: The backside of Monday.

Silly 'ole phrase.

Not so fast, Kathleen!

What I've come to see - concluded - is that all my guilt & regret resides in the backside of Monday. It's the abode of past. It's on the backside, which means it is often obscure, or dark, or without the light of day. It's also the place I go when I allow what was to rob me of the joy of what is.

Then there's Monday - typically representative of the new work week - where, in this telling, my flesh rushes when preparing to impress both God & man. All the while I'm engaged in a works-oriented cleansing, I vascillate between beating myself up and making excuses.

Alas, the backside of Monday always & eventually leaves me feeling small, like a child in a foggy forest.

Best I chart my course along a track that runs on the frontside of dawn.

Well, at least the rattle's silenced for now. It's best I chart my course along a track that runs along the frontside of dawn.


For you became sorrowful as God intended
and so were not harmed in any way by us.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads
to salvation and leaves no regret,
but worldly sorrow brings death.

See what this godly sorrow has produced in you:
what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves,
what indignation, what alarm, what longing,
what concern, what readiness to see justice done.

At every point you have proved yourselves
to be innocent in this matter.
2 Corinthians 7:9-11


Where morning dawns and evening fades,
You call forth songs of joy.
Psalm 65:8


.


P.S. Let me be clear: I'm all for sincere repentance. I also subscribe to the practical wisdom of "beginning with the end in mind" when it comes to making choices; and to personal accountability. But paddling around in the soup of guilt is none of these.

11 comments:

Terry said...

Howdy
Amen sister !!!!!!
What a beautiful post .
Something I certainly needed to read .
Thank you for sharing :)
May the New Year fill your life with many moments of love,peace,healing,joy and miracles.
Take care now .
Until Next Time
Happy Trails

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

i always enjoy your posts. you have so much wisdom and i love your precious heart!

i love those verses!

Loren said...

Kathleen,

You know I love this bloggy world because at times I feel as If I am getting a mini devotional. Today would be one of those times! Thank you for sharing your heart and your Wisdom and in this case ~ Your brain ;)

You bless me each and every time! Love you!

Sonja said...

I have also paddled around in the 'soup of guilt', both real and false, and you are right on. Repentance is of God, and the heart, and there is a lot of 'junk' wallowing that is not!
I honestly know that satan loves to cause confusion and his arrows of guilt can do that. 'The back side of Monday'... oh it fits, doesn't it? :)

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

This went with my reading this morning from "Lost in the Middle" by Paul Tripp....thanks for the confirmation and allowing me not stay in the "soup of guilt", but rather hear His voice to me this morning.

Melinda said...

Looks like I'm not the only one who was struck by the "soup of guilt" comment. Certainly not a clear, clean broth, but something of the thick pea variety, I would venture to say.

I am MOST ready for the dawn.

Hugs,
M

Tammy@If Meadows Speak... said...

"See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves,
what indignation, what alarm, what longing,what concern, what readiness to see justice done." Oh Kathleen this made my heart sing! And I lurked your words throughout yesterday, with bits here and there from my phone as I traveled by day and fellowshipped with His Body by night. Today, I got to read it in ONE piece. Thank you for sharing your "backside" and being the iron that sharpens iron.

Andrea said...

AMEN...when GOD forgives, HE wipes it away! We need to move on and be fruitful....not wallowing in the guilt!

Blessings,
andrea

Sharon Lippincott said...

I'd never heard this phrase before, and you have breathed such life into it, it's on my map to stay. I hope to meet you on that track that runs on the frontside of dawn ... Thank you for that!

LisaShaw said...

Kathleen,

Sonja shared my thoughts well. I have to agree with her.

You drew a groan from me when I read: "It's on the backside, which means it is often obscure, or dark, or without the light of day. It's also the place I go when I allow what was to rob me of the joy of what is."

The groan was one of understanding. Your following paragraph thereafter received an equally deep groan of understanding what you were saying.

Your P.S. is dead on!

Thank you for sharing so transparently and blessing us so willingly.

Beverlydru said...

I'm catching up on some of my favorite blogs and absolutely love this post. It's one of those that resounds and I think "she beautifully expressed something I couldn't." Thank you.